A cry carrying all of my pain, disappointments, mockery, unfair treatment, especially to those whom I wanted to seek their love, affection, and acceptance. It hurts so bad, I'm crying terribly nonstop.
I don't even need to enumerate everything because most likely I'll miss much and I do my best to bottle each of them up in my ocean, scattered around there and I'd rather not pick them up to collect them because I know I won't be able to take it---physically. I already had the history of palpitations during immense anger, disappointments, and sadness so I'd rather not take the risk.
I sympathize suicidal people more than ever, to have one final pain to end it all.
I feel so sad for them, and they will never lose my respect.
I am happy I have something which keeps me going, so I will never take that direction but I WILL NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE, and will do my best not to let more suicides to happen in the future, especially if it's really something I can control. But the truth is, these individuals want help from their own selected people. From the people they care about. From the people they wish care for them. Others won't be as effective as these "chosen ones".
I rarely cry. SERIOUSLY. So crying terribly and unstoppable was so surprising for me.
"Life is complicated. Control is an illusion."
..I seek for your comfort, and yet I didn't receive it. I provided you mine and my concern, but I received none. You're someone I trusted with my vulnerabilities - the innermost portion I never dared to share to anybody else, and yet I felt taken for granted.
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