I cried my worst cry of my life...yet.

A cry carrying all of my pain, disappointments, mockery, unfair treatment, especially to those whom I wanted to seek their love, affection, and acceptance. It hurts so bad, I'm crying terribly nonstop.

I don't even need to enumerate everything because most likely I'll miss much and I do my best to bottle each of them up in my ocean, scattered around there and I'd rather not pick them up to collect them because I know I won't be able to take it---physically. I already had the history of palpitations during immense anger, disappointments, and sadness so I'd rather not take the risk.

I sympathize suicidal people more than ever, to have one final pain to end it all.
I feel so sad for them, and they will never lose my respect.
I am happy I have something which keeps me going, so I will never take that direction but I WILL NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE, and will do my best not to let more suicides to happen in the future, especially if it's really something I can control. But the truth is, these individuals want help from their own selected people. From the people they care about. From the people they wish care for them. Others won't be as effective as these "chosen ones".

I rarely cry. SERIOUSLY. So crying terribly and unstoppable was so surprising for me.

"Life is complicated. Control is an illusion."

..I seek for your comfort, and yet I didn't receive it. I provided you mine and my concern, but I received none. You're someone I trusted with my vulnerabilities - the innermost portion I never dared to share to anybody else, and yet I felt taken for granted.

"It’s not cool to give your money to the poor or tithe to a church. Noble maybe, but what’s cooler is to keep your money, buy the Nintendo Switch, a vacation, and some new clothes. It’s not cool to wait to engage in intimate relationships until you’re married because you trust it will enrich your marriage. What’s cool is hooking up. It’s not cool that you didn’t get all crazy at the bar with your friends and end up taking your shirt off. What’s cool is getting hammered, making out with a random stranger, and then re-telling the story on Instagram."

According to "Let's Stop Pretending Christianity is Actually Relevant, Okay?"

Have a large threshold for pain

So that you may be able to accept greater failures, disappointments, and criticisms ahead. It will help you keep going and thrive for success. It can even help you find a new angle in approaching your work. In the end, it will make you finish everything you want to accomplish.

Whatever it is you have in mind, you will accomplish it.

I have been curious about Elon Musk for months already and told myself that I will research about him. It was only recently when I actually watched videos (because I learn more that way) and read articles about him. Now, I post things related to him every day! I appear as if I'm a fangirl or obsessed, but upon recognizing that it took me months before I found my answers, then instead of downgrading myself, I held on strongly to the message of my blog title.

I have accepted patience as a virtue I must cherish. I had never been let down by life itself, despite lacking patience. Most of the things I have now are what I only longed years before, although I didn't really aim for them, but life just gave them to me.

It was a development. Early in my college days, I wrote this:

I'm surprised! I totally forgot I had that phase. Now, I can say that I'm pretty friendly. I get along with people, and I'm even a Director for Partnerships and Public Relations of an international climate education project! At first, things unfolded without me concerning about my relational issues daily. Maybe since it was in my heart all along, it was something I prayed before, then I attracted it (Laws of Attraction).

The same goes with being an advocate. It was 2-3 years ago when I first watched An Inconvenient Truth and since then, I wanted to become part of their movement. Look at me now! It's been over a year when I started to become a legitimate part of the advocacy. I'm thankful and eager to contribute to significant changes (yes, PLURAL) on this planet. As motivation, here goes my blog title again.

So I'm keeping my faith in myself, and of course in our Creator. Every single circumstance I have right now which needs working will surely be okay in the future. Just be patient, and love.