Other people say it's majestic, the center of the universe, and that I'm fortunate enough to be the emperor's daughter living in fortune - but I want to be out of here. This is a vast, lonely place. All I see are walls, houses of same designs, and same people over and over again! Every single day it gets more boring. It saddens me. I can only entertain myself by watching children play, hear their laughs and sometimes teach them lessons for them to learn. Sometimes I stroll around the inner court and take a look at Baba's palace and wonder how he's doing. His palace is the grandest here in the inner court, and of course the most beautiful. There are even guards all over to secure his safety. I'm scared of them; they make me feel like I need to make an appointment just to see my own father. Second to the largest palaces is where I live in, with Mama and my siblings. Visitors (some high rank officials that are invited or welcome in our abode), would look at the palaces in awe. They would smile at us, and complement how beautiful our place is. I don't really get it, or maybe I got used to this place so much since this is the only place I have ever seen since birth. Even if I'm the only daughter, Baba seems to favor my brothers more, there are even times that I feel left out and doubt if I really am a part of this "Royal Family". I loathe the fact that I was born a girl. Why did the Gods of heaven bothered to make me a woman when all my father wanted was to have a son?
I myself have never been in the outer court. It's prohibited for me to go there. They say that the outer court is for official businesses, something like that. But I've heard that the inner court is a reflection, in terms of symmetry, of the outer court. Though the latter is bigger, and that many people gather there for ceremonial occasions and Baba's proclamations. I think it looks better than this place, but at the same time evil. Even with the vast area of this city, there are times that I could actually hear harrowing screams from the outer court, insinuating that someone might have been given severe punishment (which might have been death). I've been hearing noises like that since I was a child. Whenever I think of the outer court, I imagine it full of bloodshed, or that eunuchs spend their time cleaning the 'dirt' after every execution - so that the city would still look presentable to others who do not know our dark secret.
Eunuchs were the only ones who could tell me what the outside looks like during our private brief conversations. Soil is said to be abundant unlike in this city where it's full of man-made ground. There are also huge rivers, different kinds of animals mingling with one another - a lot of which I have never seen nor heard before; some I have seen in paintings. People of different status interact with each other, very much interested in knowing the people within these walls; they do not know how lucky they are free outside than live forever in isolation and full of do's and don'ts. I envy the dragons I see on almost every corner of this place; how exciting it is to be able to fly, to be in charge of where you are going. What happy free mythical creatures they are. I always daydream being taken away by a dragon, and bring me to a place where my fellow men will not be able to find me. All I want to do is have a taste of freedom: take a bath on a river, enjoy the sweet taste of freshwater together with the fishes jumping out of the water; pick a fresh fruit from a tree, touch real-life flowers instead of flowery wall decorations, sit on a grass, and have a butterfly tickle my nose. Isn't that too much to ask?
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